All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
