Can i not drive my cunt home
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
