Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
