so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize