i may or may not be watching the land before time
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We are two peas in an std pod
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
