OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
