Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize