Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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