Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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