Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
