If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
