dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
