also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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