There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
