the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
