It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
did you just send me my own nude
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
