Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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