I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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