So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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