Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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