I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
