fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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