I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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