i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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