That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
