so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
