Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
