so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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