your parents love me but you hate me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
