i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
