The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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