Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
