Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
