Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
