I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
