I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize