mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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