Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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