He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
