You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
