you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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