mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
