Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
