No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
