Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize