i just had sex bonerless
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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