turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
