Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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