How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
