We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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