I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The power of my boobs compel you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
