xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
