omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
