if i can run in heels then i can drive
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
