My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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