My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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