And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
