I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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