hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
