he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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