she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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