I think my vagina is haunted
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
