Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
