is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
