She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
