All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
