you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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