Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize