I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we made out on top of his cat.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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