i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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