if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
