Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize