My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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