I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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