be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
