I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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