I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
