the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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