i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize