I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
