god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
