Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning

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(720): View more from Colorado

Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

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(419): View more from Ohio

then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?

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(408): View more from California

Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...

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(847): View more from Illinois

Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus

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