i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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