she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
