I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm really busy with my period
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