I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
