I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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