So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
