Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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