Jerry, you need to find god
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize