So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
