Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize