So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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