I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
