Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
