Where are you?
In a non slutty way
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
