Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
