when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
