I wish i was in the wii world.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
