Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We left the knife in your bed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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