Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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