no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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