ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
