He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
