Got a toothbrush?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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