YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
