No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
