i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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