mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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