sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
