I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so let's talk penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
