I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize